Four Months of Vance Lee

Four months of loving our sweet boy. Four months of watching him grow, fight, and thrive in ways we never imagined possible. Today, Vance is officially 7 lbs and 11 oz, 4 months old, and 40 weeks gestation—his due date. Happy due date, our love. 💙

It's such a surreal feeling—wanting time to fly by because we can't wait to finally have him home with us, yet at the same time, wishing we could freeze every moment we get to hold him in our arms. How do you balance wanting the next chapter with never wanting to let go of this one? It’s wild to think that our 4-month-old is just now technically a newborn. What a time warp we’ve lived through. And speaking of growing—he’s completely out of all his preemie clothes and now officially rocking newborn sizes! Watching him fill out those little outfits is just about the sweetest thing ever. 

Today brings a mix of emotions—so many layered and complicated feelings all at once. There is joy and pride in how far Vance has come. But there is also heartache and longing. We miss Rocky and Steele deeply and painfully. Some days, it still feels impossible to accept that we never got the chance to hold all three of our babies at once. We see other families celebrating traditional newborn milestones, and we can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy, wishing things had gone differently for us.

But alongside the grief is a deep, grounding sense of gratitude. We’ve had four extra months with our beautiful Vance that we weren’t guaranteed. Four months of snuggles, of tiny fingers wrapping around ours, of sleepy stretches, and the softest forehead kisses. Four months of watching him fight every single day to be here. Rocky and Steele have been his angels through it all—we see their strength in him. And today, we celebrate not just his due date, but the miracle that is our son and the path he’s taken to be here with us.

No one can prepare you for the NICU journey. It's not in any parenting book or birth plan. But we’ve learned through it all that we are so much stronger than we ever thought possible. That love really can carry you through the darkest days. And that even in the most uncertain moments, there can be so much light.

Now that Vance is a “term baby,” we’re getting the well-meaning questions: “So when does he get to come home? He is looking so good!” Oh, how we wish it were that simple. But Vance is still working hard on meeting some important milestones—particularly with his respiratory support. He’s making amazing progress, but he still needs to wean further before we can talk about discharge. He’s in the driver’s seat—we’re just buckled in for the ride.

As the days get sunnier, we find ourselves dreaming more and more of life beyond the NICU—baby-wearing walks outside, lazy hangouts on the deck, pushing the stroller while Rubes trots along beside us. We cannot wait to have all of us under one roof. It’s coming. We feel it getting closer with each little victory.

As of today, Vance is still on his RAM cannula, slowly working on lowering his oxygen support. He’s been loving his milk drops and showing signs that he’s getting ready for more feeding milestones soon. Every single step forward is a triumph.

Thank you to every single one of you who has prayed, sent gifts, offered support, and walked this path with us over the past four months. We feel your love every day. This journey is far from over, but with your continued thoughts and prayers, we know Vance will keep pushing forward, healing, growing, and inching closer to home. 💛